Regret
by AMindsCreation
Summary: Sirius felt all the muscles in his body tense. His hands compressed into tight fists, as he swallowed a sob threatening to escape his lips and disturb the peaceful atmosphere of Godric's Hollow. Beyond the door of their home lay a figure, not just any figure though, James Potter, Sirius Black's best friend.


Sirius felt all the muscles in his body tense. His hands compressed into tight fists, as he swallowed a sob threatening to escape his lips and disturb the peaceful atmosphere of Godric's Hollow.

Beyond the door of their home lay a figure, not just any figure though, James Potter, Sirius Black's best friend. James lay motionless; his eyes wide open as if they were staring intently at something in the distance. His hazel eyes, normally warm and comforting, were lost and glassy. His pupils blown from the sudden green light he saw before he collapsed to the ground. His glasses were broken, and slightly askew on his face, from the impact of the fall.

Sirius fell to his knees beside his fallen friend, grabbing James' lifeless body as if it was the most precious thing in the world and laid James' head on his legs.

He couldn't believe what he was seeing. His brain was numb with shock and couldn't, or wouldn't, process anything.

This was James lying cold and dead as Sirius held him. James who saw beyond Sirius' family, beyond any flaw others could see in a person or themselves. James who found any disloyalty the upmost betrayal, and James, Sirius' best friend.

Sirius couldn't help but let out a broken sob at how defenseless James had become. He couldn't accept the fact he would never hear James speak again, or laugh at their harmless pranks, or his lame jokes. He would never again get to see James' face light up when Lily, or someone he cared about, talked to him, or watch as James and Lily brought up Harry. There was so much they'd miss out on.

This was his fault. It was his idea for them to change the Secret keeper. It was his stupid idea that had cost them their life.

He knew Harry and Lily were dead too. Their broken bodies lying cold somewhere in this house. He imagined Harry close to his mother, he hugging him to his chest in a last attempt to protect her child. There was nothing Lily and James wouldn't have done to save Harry and keep him safe.

He wiped tears from his face that he didn't know we let leak. After that, he let them flow freely. He clutched his best friend's body to his chest and rocked back and forth, his heart-wrenching sobs echoing in the chilly Halloween night.

Faintly in the distance, Sirius could hear someone else crying. He sobered up his crying, the fear of being caught becoming very real to him. He clutched James' body tighter for second.

"Prongs mate." Sirius mumbled into James' messy, black hair. He gently put down his fallen brother's body and stood up, taking out his wand and casting Lumos. He followed the crying noise. Hesitantly he proceeded through the house, by the time he was nearly up the staircase he could tell it was coming from the nursery down the hall.

Could that mean… No. He mustn't get his hopes up. Not at a time like this. Was it possible that Voldemort was still here? Was he torturing baby Harry in the room before him? He gripped his wand tighter. If Voldemort was still here Sirius would give that guy everything he deserved.

As he approached the nursery silently he saw furniture broken and out of place giving away that Lily, in a last pathetic attempt to save herself and her son from Voldemort, had barricaded the door.

His was wand raised and prepared to fight anyone who would stop him from reaching his Godson, as he entered the wreaked room. The sight before him made him slightly dizzy. His heart swelled at first as he saw no Voldemort, but sunk as his eyes caught sight of Lily Potter, broken and lost, just like her husband.

He sighed out of relief when he saw Harry holding onto the railing of his crib. His chubby legs supporting his body as he looked down at the lifeless form of his mother. He showed no sign of being hurt at first, but as Sirius moved closer cautiously he noticed a scar, slightly to the left to the middle of his forehead, shaped like a lightning bolt.

What? Is that some cruel form of torture Voldemort made Harry endure, or something like that, but then where was he?

"Harry… is there anybody else here?" Sirius knew he didn't have a lot of luck trying to communicate with a toddler, but he couldn't think what else to do.

Harry tilted his head in confusion. He pointed to Lily and cried, "Mama."

Sirius choked back a sob at his Godson's confusion. Taking the last step towards Harry, and over Lily. He sighed slightly when nothing happened; he scooped up the toddler in his arms and held him to his chest, just like he did with James.

"Bloody 'ell, kiddo." Sirius mumbled into Harry's hair. He didn't pretend to know what happened here tonight, and he would never want to know.

Harry wiggled in Sirius grip and said more forcefully than before, "Mama."

Sirius put his hand on the back of Harry's head, automatically trying to smooth down the rebellious strands of hair sticking up. Harry, taking this as a sign, nuzzled his head into Sirius' neck.

"Mama's not coming back buddy. It's just you and me now. Okay?" He whispered soothingly into Harry's ears. Sirius winced, knowing full well that his words may not come true.

"Sirius, what are yeh doin' 'ere?" A voice said from behind him.

Cursing himself for letting his guard down, especially in a time like this. He had his wand raised and pointed threateningly at the intruder in no time at all.

The intruder raised his hands. "Whoa, Sirius, calm down. Its just me."

Because of the lack of light from where the intruder was standing in the room, Sirius could faintly make out a contour of a large man. Hagrid.

He lowered his wand slightly, but not enough to show he was comfortable with the 'so-called-Hagrid's' presence.

"What's my favourite colour?" Sirius asked. His eyes narrowing at 'Hagrid.'

'Hagrid' sagged a bit. "Come now, Sirius-"

"What is it?" Sirius seethed, raising his wand once again.

"Green. Though you tell everyone its red, so people don't associate you with Slytherin. You used to joke about with your best friends that the reason you loved the colour green is because that was the colour of Lily's," 'Hagrid's eyes slipped down to he dead body between them and choked out the last word, "eyes."

Sirius relaxed at Hagrid's answer. "Sorry 'bout that Hagrid, but as you can see, I'm a bit on edge right now."

"And yeh 'ave ev'ry right to be. I'm sorry for being blunt, Sirius, but I need baby 'Arry." Hagrid puffed out his chest slightly. "Dumbledore has asked me to escort young 'Arry 'here to his aunt an' uncle's."

Sirius' eyes widened. "But Hagrid, I'm Harry's legal guardian now. Lily and James wrote it in their will!"

"Sorry Sirius," Hagrid sympathized, "Dumbledore's orders, but I'm sure yeh can still visit as young 'Arry grows up and all."

Sirius sighed in defeat. He knew a lost cause when he saw one. What was he thinking anyway? There was no way he was going to be able to bring up Harry in the way he deserves. Especially now he was going to go after that traitorous rat for revenge. The only problem is he didn't think Harry was going to get that childhood with his aunt and uncle either.

" Here, take him, but Hagrid," Sirius handed over Harry and looked Hagrid straight in the eye. "You make sure Dumbledore knows what he's doing. I may not be there for Harry when he needs me most, but you can guarantee I'll make sure he's alright from wherever I am in the world."

Hagrid nodded solemnly at Sirius' words and turned to head out the door, but Harry turned in his grip and reached out his hands towards Sirius.

"Padfoo'." Sirius smiled shakily at the toddler. Giving him the only source of comfort he could give him.

"I can't hold you, champ, not now. Hagrid here is going to take you to your new family. Don't you worry though, I'll do my best to see you, bud, but Ol' Padfoot here may be busy for a while. Okay?"

Sirius saw Harry's bottom lip tremble, but he averted his eyes to Hagrid. "Go now, Hagrid. Before I change my mind. Take my bike, if you need it."

Hagrid nodded in thanks as he ducked under the door fame, carrying a sniffling Harry in his hand.

Sirius watched out of the nursery window as Hagrid climbed onto his bike, start it up and fly away into the distance, taking what seemed like Sirius' whole life with him.

Sirius didn't even look at Lily as he left the room, and act of which he would later regret, and he merely glanced at James' body before he stormed out of the house.

Peter would receive the end of Sirius' rage if it was the last thing he did.


End file.
